In my last written post, I commented on how things were moving fast but they would “slow down when I got back home.” I’ve been home now for 15 days and I havent witnessed any slowing of time. I still havent gotten a grip on home, my life here, my days here. Maybe soon?
While things have been incredibly busy and fast-paced, I do actually have both feet in the…country. I’m here fully. I’ve finally broken away from saying “merci” and “pardon, ” and I’ve even gotten over the lack of wine (or at least I have learned how to make up for it.) I desperately miss a lot of aspects about my life and time spent in France, but after only three months there, it wasnt that much of a struggle to remember and jump back into my American life. My American life. Hm.
Collin and I are now living back at our respective homes. Living with our dads. I cant speak for Collin, but I dont mind being back here. I have three sisters who are also, hilariously, living here for now. I guess it’s a good time to be back here, too. Without the busy energy and masking qualities of Christmas, home might not feel as happy right now. But that’s another story. This is what it is right now: happy, safe, comfortable, fun, and right for the time being. I’ve asked myself several times, though, “what comes next?” What follows the months where home feels this good?
Unfortunately, neither Collin or I thought to make plans for ourselves post-France. Arent we adults? Shouldnt we have thought enough to do that? Yikes. I guess maybe my head was in the clouds too much there for a while and I figured I’d just wander into a life similar to that which I had in France. Or maybe I thought I wasnt actually leaving France. Regardless of what I thought or didnt think then, it’s time to move forward and plan now. I’m still running off of some fumes I found while away, so I’m going to spend my days editing and developing ideas for a book, drawing plans for a future farm here in Nicktown, discussing a photo magazine with two great girls from Paris and NYC, and working on the completion of ongoing projects. Gotta pick up the pieces. Gotta keep focused on my work while I have the free time and no traditional job to slave around at.
Oh, and of course, I’m still doing laundry. And trying to organize and throw away things in the bedroom which I havent slept in for years. And I’m coping with missing people and moments from France. I look through old snapshots and smile at Ian and Suzie and Rebeka and Sam and the animals and the land. I’m trying to exercise and eat well to work off the weight I gained from wine and pastries. :]
I’m just trying to do this.
I didnt answer my original question. Or maybe I did—For now, I’m not thinking of moving to Chicago or Ohio or any place random. Where I go from here is…wherever I am. That place will change when I’m ready.
Leaving Les Costils